Solingen 93

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Breaking the Hurt Legacy


ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON “MARRIAGE TODAY” WITH JIMMY & KAREN… JIMMY: WHAT UNPLEASANT EVENT IN YOUR LIFE DID YOU MAKE A RESPONSE TO, TO YOURSELF, BY SAYING NO ONE WILL EVER TREAT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, NO ONE’S EVER GONNA HURT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, I’M NEVER GONNA BE POOR AGAIN, WELL, I’M NEVER GONNA DO–I’M–I’M THIS, I’M THIS. YOU DIDN’T TURN IT TOWARD GOD. YOU TURNED IT TOWARD YOURSELF. SO HERE’S HOW TO STOP THE HURT LEGACY AND BEGIN A LEGACY OF BLESSING, OK. THE FIRST IS MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAST. AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT TWO SPECIFIC ISSUES, AND THEY ARE INIQUITIES AND INNER VOWS. THESE ARE TWO HUGE ISSUES. I’VE NEVER MET A PERSON THAT DIDN’T HAVE AN INIQUITY AND INNER VOWS. EVERY PERSON I KNOW HAS THESE, AND I HAD MULTIPLE INNER VOWS AND INIQUITIES, AND SO DID KAREN. AND SO PARENTS–IN DEUTERONOMY CHAPTER 6, HERE’S WHAT GOD SAYS TO PARENTS. “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH. AND THESE WORDS WHICH I COMMAND YOU TODAY SHALL BE IN YOUR HEART. YOU SHALL TEACH THEM DILIGENTLY TO YOUR CHILDREN AND SHALL TALK OF THEM WHEN YOU SIT IN YOUR HOUSE, WHEN YOU WALK BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU LIE DOWN, AND WHEN YOU RISE UP. YOU SHALL BIND THEM AS A SIGN ON YOUR HAND, AND THEY SHALL BE AS FRONTLETS BETWEEN YOUR EYES. YOU SHALL WRITE THEM ON THE DOOR POST ON YOUR HOUSE AND ON YOUR GATES.” NOW, TWO COMMANDMENTS THERE. THE FIRST IS, LOVE ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND STRENGTH. YOU’RE NOT PREPARED TO PARENT UNTIL YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. YOU CANNOT BE THE PARENT THAT YOU NEED TO BE UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEPENDENCY UPON THE LORD AND YOU’RE A GODLY PARENT. NOW, IN GENESIS CHAPTER ONE, GOD CAME TO ADAM AND EVE AND HE PUT HIS IMAGE ON THEM AND THEN SAID GO AND FILL THE EARTH–MULTIPLY AND FILL THE EARTH. HE PUT HIS IMAGE ON THEM AND THEN COMMANDED THEM TO MULTIPLY. WE ARE IMAGE BEARERS TO OUR CHILDREN. THE NUMBER ONE RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS IS TO SHOW THE CHARACTER OF GOD TO YOUR CHILDREN. BUT EVERY PARENT IS IMPERFECT. NO PARENT IS PERFECT, BUT SOME ARE MORE PERFECT THAN OTHERS. AND SO GOD SAID THIS: YOU LOVE ME WITH ALL OF YOUR HEARTS, AND YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN DILIGENTLY MY WORD. THIS IS EPHESIANS 6:4 IN THE NEW TESTAMENT. “AND YOU FATHERS, DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH, BUT BRING THEM UP IN THE TRAINING AND ADMONITION OF THE LORD.” THAT IS SPECIFICALLY ADDRESSED TO FATHERS, BY THE WAY, BECAUSE FATHERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EDUCATION OF THEIR CHILDREN. NOT MOTHERS. MOTHERS OBVIOUSLY ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS FATHERS, BUT FATHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO LEAD. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE LEADER OF THE HOME, TAKE THE INITIATIVE OF THE WELL-BEING OF THE HOME. AND IT SAYS DON’T, YOU KNOW, PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH. HERE’S WHAT PROVOKES CHILDREN TO WRATH, IS BARKING AT THEM WITHOUT SHOWING THEM HOW TO DO IT. “DON’T DO THAT. DO THIS.” AND YOU BARK IT. NON-RELATIONAL PARENTING, BARKING-IT PARENTING. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO PATIENTLY TEACH OUR CHILDREN THE WAY TO DO THINGS. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO WALK NEXT TO OUR CHILDREN. IT SAYS, WHEN THEY’RE LYING ON THEIR BED AT NIGHT, WHEN THEY’RE RISING UP IN THE MORNING, WHEN YOU’RE SITTING IN YOUR HOUSE, WHEN YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY SOMEWHERE. DILIGENTLY TAKE THOSE TIMES, THOSE CONTEMPLATIVE TIMES, AND DILIGENTLY TEACH YOUR CHILDREN. AND I’VE SAID THIS TO ALL PARENTS, AND I KNOW WE KNOW THIS. IT’S NOT THE CHURCH’S RESPONSIBILITY OR THE SCHOOL’S RESPONSIBILITY TO EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. AND WE CAN COME ALONGSIDE YOU AND PARTNER WITH YOU IN THAT PROCESS, BUT DON’T LET THE TV RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. DON’T LET THE COMPUTER RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. DON’T LET SOMEBODY ELSE RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. YOU RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] AND DON’T TRUST THEM WITH A PHONE. AND DON’T TRUST THEM WITH THE COMPUTER. MY KID SAID ONE TIME, “YOU DON’T TRUST ME?” IT’S LIKE, OF COURSE I DON’T TRUST YOU! [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW? YOU’RE A CHILD. YOU’RE BEING TEMPTED. I’M GONNA SMELL YOUR BREATH, LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, AND CHECK EVERYTHING YOU GOT 3 TIMES. YOU’RE A CHILD. YOU’RE BEING TEMPTED. IN THIS WORLD THAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW, THERE’S NEVER BEEN A WORLD THIS EVIL. CHECK YOUR CHILDREN OUT. LET ME SAY, YOUR CHILDREN WON’T MIND AS LONG AS YOU LOVE THEM AND YOU’RE HAVING FUN WITH THEM. IF YOU ARE COMING ALONGSIDE YOUR CHILD IN A RELATIONAL WAY, AND YOU ARE BEFRIENDING YOUR CHILDREN–I’M SAYING YOUR CHILDREN DON’T HAVE TO LIKE YOU ALL THE TIME, BUT I’M SAYING YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KIDS. YOU’RE NOT BARKING AT YOUR KIDS. YOU’RE NOT LEAVING YOUR CHILDREN TO BE RAISED BY SOMEBODY ELSE, BUT YOU’RE RAISING YOUR CHILDREN, YOU’RE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN. AND IN THE PROCESS OF THAT, YOU HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. AND SO WE ARE RESPONSIBLE, “A,” FOR BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE TO OUR CHILDREN AND TRAINING OUR CHILDREN UP RIGHT. LET ME TELL YOU THIS. WHEREVER YOU ARE GODLY AND YOU TRAIN YOUR CHILDREN UP RIGHT, YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP LIKE THIS. THEY DON’T HAVE A BEND TOWARD THOSE THINGS BECAUSE THEY SAW IT PROPERLY. BUT ALL OF US ARE IMPERFECT. I WAS AN IMPERFECT PARENT. KAREN WAS AN IMPERFECT PARENT. AND SO WE’RE ALL IMPERFECT. AND WHERE WE’RE IMPERFECT, OUR CHILDREN WILL GET A BENT TOWARD THE BEHAVIOR THAT WE’RE INVOLVED IN. HERE’S AN EXAMPLE OF INIQUITIES: ANGER. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT JUST BEING ANGRY. WE ALL GET ANGRY. I’M TALKING ABOUT BAD ANGER–DEALING WITH ANGER IN AN IMPROPER WAY. SUBSTANCE ABUSE, CHAUVINISM, SEXISM, PHYSICAL ABUSE, RACISM, BIGOTRY, VERBAL ABUSE, IMMORALITY, PRIDE, SEXUAL ABUSE, NEGATIVITY, DISHONESTY, MATERIALISM, PERFECTIONISM, DIVORCE, GOSSIP, UNFORGIVENESS, GREED, CONDITIONAL LOVE, PERFORMANCE MOTIVATION. ALL THOSE KINDS OF THINGS LIKE THAT, THOSE CAN BE INIQUITIES–THINGS THAT OUR PARENTS DID THAT WE PICK UP A TENDENCY TOWARD. AND SO YOU SAY, WELL, I DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE INIQUITIES OR NOT. WELL, LET ME ASK YOU THESE QUESTIONS, AND YOU CAN KIND OF THINK THESE THINGS THROUGH REGARDING INIQUITIES FOR YOURSELF. WERE THE THINGS YOU WERE EXPOSED TO WHILE YOU WERE GROWING UP BIBLICALLY SOUND AND MORALLY CORRECT? I MEAN, WAS YOUR FAMILY A GODLY FAMILY? THE WAY PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY RESOLVED CONFLICT, WAS IT RIGHT? THE WAY YOUR FAMILY HANDLED MONEY, THE WAY YOUR PARENTS TREATED OTHERS, AND ATTITUDES ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX, ATTITUDES TOWARDS SUBMISSION TO GOD AND THE BIBLE, ATTITUDES TOWARD CHILDREN AND VALUES IN LIFE. I MEAN, WERE YOU RAISED IN A FAMILY WHERE THE VALUES AND JUST THE BELIEFS OF YOUR FAMILY AND PRACTICES, WAS IT BIBLICAL? WAS IT A GODLY KIND OF FAMILY? SECONDLY, DO YOU PRACTICE THE SAME THINGS YOU DIDN’T AGREE WITH OR LIKE ABOUT YOUR PARENTS? SEE, HERE’S THE TERRIBLE THING ABOUT INIQUITIES. WE DON’T LIKE WHAT OUR PARENTS DID AND WE END UP DOING IT. MY FATHER WAS A FINGER SNAPPER. MY FATHER, WHEN WE WERE IN TROUBLE–THERE WERE TWO WAYS YOU KNEW YOU WERE IN TROUBLE: HE SNAPPED HIS FINGERS AND SAID “LITTLE MAN.” THAT MEANS YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE. [LAUGHTER] MY BROTHERS AND I CALL EACH OTHER “LITTLE MAN” TO THIS DAY, WHEN I’M NOT CALLING THEM DAMIEN AND LUCIFER BEHIND THEIR BACK. BUT THEY–BUT MY DAD WOULD GO, “LITTLE MAN,” LIKE THAT, AND I JUST–UH! I JUST HATED THAT, AND I THOUGHT, I JUST–SOMEBODY SNAPPING THEIR FINGERS AT ME JUST GOES ALL OVER ME. WELL, JULIE, OUR DAUGHTER, WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE BABY, SHE DID SOMETHING ONE DAY, AND I SAID, “HEY!” WHAT–WHAT–IT JUST WENT OFF! I DIDN’T TRY! SO YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE RECORDER GOING ON WHEN YOU’RE A KID BEING RAISED BY YOUR PARENTS. AND YOU’VE GOT AN AUDIO AND VIDEO RECORDER. AND NO ONE IS MORE PROFOUNDLY INFLUENCING YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU’RE GROWING UP THAN YOUR PARENTS. YOU’VE GOT THAT VIDEO ARCHIVE. AND SO WHEN YOU’RE AN ADULT AND NOW LIFE BEGINS TO PUNCH ON YOU AND PRESS YOU, YOU GO TO THAT VIDEO ARCHIVE AND YOU RETRIEVE IT. LIKE IT OR NOT, WE ARE NORMALLY GONNA RESPOND THE WAY OUR PARENTS RESPONDED. THERE WAS A LADY THAT CAME UP TO KAREN ONE DAY, AND SHE SAID, “MY MOTHER IS THE MOST NEGATIVE PERSON IN THE WORLD. I HATE TALKING TO HER. SHE’S THE MOST NEGATIVE PERSON IN THE WORLD.” AND KAREN VERY LOVINGLY TOLD THIS WOMAN, SHE SAID, “YOU DO KNOW THAT YOU’RE VERY NEGATIVE, TOO.” AND SHE SAID, “WHAT?!” AND SHE SAID, “YOU’RE ALWAYS VERY NEGATIVE.” AND SHE SAID, “YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW IT.” AND SHE DIDN’T, BUT SHE WAS. AND SHE BROKE THAT INIQUITY OFF OF HER LIFE. SO LET ME TALK FOR JUST A MINUTE ABOUT HOW TO BREAK FAMILY INIQUITIES. YOU SAY, WELL, MY FAMILY WASN’T BIBLICAL IN SOME AREAS, AND I DO NOTICE THAT I’VE GOT SOME OF THOSE SAME TENDENCIES. HERE’S HOW TO BREAK INIQUITIES. NUMBER ONE, RECOGNIZE THE PROBLEM AS A SIN. YOU KNOW, JUST CALL IT WHAT IT IS. IF IT’S CHAUVINISM–MY FAMILY, MY GRANDFATHER AND HIS BROTHERS WERE CHAUVINISTIC. THEY JUST WERE. MY UNCLE IN CALIFORNIA–THIS WAS ONE OF MY GRANDFATHER’S BROTHERS, MY GREAT UNCLE–WE WENT TO STAY WITH THEM. AND MY AUNT, HIS WIFE, MY GREAT AUNT–SHE WAS JUST GREAT– BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS BUSY, AND MY GRANDFATHER AND HIS BROTHER, THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES. THEIR WIFE WAITED ON THEM HAND AND FOOT. SO MY DAD–WE WERE IN CALIFORNIA STAYING WITH THEM–AND MY DAD SAID TO HIM, “HOW DO YOU GET HER TO DO THAT? I MEAN, SERVE YOU ALL THE TIME?” AND HERE’S WHAT MY GREAT UNCLE SAID TO MY DAD: “M.L., THERE’S NO USE IN HAVING A DOG AND DOING YOUR OWN BARKING.” HE WAS TALKING ABOUT IF YOU HAVE A WIFE, SHE’S SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THE CHORES FOR YOU. NO USE IN HAVING A DOG AND DOING YOUR OWN BARKING. WELL, MY FAMILY WAS FULL OF CHAUVINISM. MEN WERE BETTER THAN WOMEN. I WAS RAISED THAT WAY. NOW, MY FATHER WASN’T AS MUCH THAT WAY, BUT MY GRANDFATHER PROBABLY HAD THE GREATEST INFLUENCE ON MY LIFE GROWING UP. I JUST–I WAS SEEING MY GRANDMOTHER WAITING ON MY GRANDFATHER, AND I JUST THOUGHT, “A,” THAT’S OF THE LORD… [LAUGHTER] AND “B,” I WANT ONE OF THOSE. [LAUGHTER] AND WHEN I MARRIED–MY GRANDFATHER–THIS IS NO–I’M NOT JOKING. MY GRANDFATHER WOULD RUN OUT OF COFFEE. MY GRANDFATHER NEVER DIALED THE PHONE FOR HIMSELF, NEVER SHAVED HIMSELF, NEVER DID ONE THING FOR HIMSELF. MY GRANDMOTHER WAITED ON HIM HAND AND FOOT. AND MY GRANDFATHER, WHEN HE WAS OUT OF COFFEE, HE WOULD REACH OVER AND THUMP HIS COFFEE CUP, AND SHE’D GO GET HIM MORE. NONVERBAL COMMANDS ARE THE ULTIMATE. [LAUGHTER] SHE’D GET UP. ONE TIME I THUMPED MY ICED TEA GLASS ‘CAUSE IT WAS EMPTY, AND KAREN SAID, “YOU BETTER BE KILLING A FLY, PAL.” [LAUGHTER] SHE’S NEVER TRAINED WELL. SHE’S NEVER TRAINED WELL. I’VE TRIED MY VERY BEST. BUT I WAS A DYED IN THE WOOL CHAUVINIST. AND WHEN I LEARNED ABOUT INIQUITIES, I REALIZED THAT’S A SIN IN MY LIFE I’VE GOT TO REPENT OF, BECAUSE WOMEN ARE ABSOLUTELY EQUAL TO MEN IN EVERY WAY. [APPLAUSE] GOD MADE WOMEN A LITTLE BIT PHYSICALLY WEAKER SO THEY WOULDN’T TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE. [LAUGHTER] BUT THEY’RE EQUAL IN EVERY OTHER WAY. SO YOU JUST RECOGNIZE IT AND SAY, NEGATIVITY, PRIDE, IMMORALITY, VERBAL ABUSE, YOU KNOW, SUBSTANCE ABUSE. THIS IS MY FAMILY, AND I REALIZE I’VE GOT THAT TENDENCY. NUMBER TWO, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SIN OR PROBLEM, AND JUST REPENT. DON’T BLAME OTHER PEOPLE. DON’T GO THROUGH YOUR LIFE SAYING, WELL, BECAUSE MY PARENTS DID THIS, I’M THIS WAY. WELL, LIFE DOESN’T FORM ME, MY RESPONSE TO LIFE FORMS ME. REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOMEONE DID TO ME, I CAN RISE ABOVE IT. I’M NOT A VICTIM, I’M A VICTOR. AND SO, LORD, I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING A CHAUVINIST. AND I REALIZE WHERE IT CAME FROM, BUT NOW I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TO TREAT WOMEN DIFFERENTLY, AND I REPENT. NUMBER 3, FORGIVE YOUR PARENTS AND OTHERS. DON’T HATE YOUR PARENTS. YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, I WOULD SEE THE THINGS THAT MY PARENTS DID, AND SOMETIMES I WOULD THINK, THEY’RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW. WHY ARE THEY THIS WAY? AS AN ADULT, NOW THAT I KNOW ALL THAT HAPPENED TO THEM IN THEIR CHILDHOOD, IT’S AMAZING HOW NORMAL MY PARENTS WERE. THEY WERE REMARKABLE PEOPLE TO LIVE AS SUCCESSFULLY AS THEY DID BASED ON WHERE THEY CAME FROM. GIVE YOUR PARENTS SOME MERCY. GIVE YOUR PARENTS SOME GRACE. FORGIVE THEM AND BLESS THEM, REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. IT’S THE MOTHER OF ALL ISSUES RELATED TO BEING FREE FROM YOUR PAST. WHEN YOU HAVE BITTERNESS TOWARD YOUR PAST OR YOUR PARENTS, THERE’S AN INVISIBLE UMBILICAL CORD CONNECTING YOU TO THAT MOMENT AND TO THEM, EVEN IF THEY’RE DEAD. YOU’LL NEVER BE FREE, AND YOU’LL NEVER BE HEALED, UNTIL YOU FORGIVE THEM AND GIVE THEM GRACE AND MERCY. THE NEXT IS SUBMIT THAT AREA TO GOD, IS JUST–IN OTHER WORDS, YOU REALIZE I’VE GOT THIS BENT, I’VE GOT THIS INIQUITY. WELL, HOW DO YOU GET RID OF IT? JESUS, I SUBMIT THIS AREA TO YOU. MY MOUTH, MY ANGER, MY EMOTIONS, MY MORALS, THE WAY I VIEW OTHER PEOPLE, WHATEVER. I SUBMIT THIS TO YOU, LORD, AND I’M ASKING YOU TO TEACH ME IN THIS AREA. AND HERE’S WHAT HAPPENS TO AN INIQUITY. AND THE LAST STEP IS VERY SIMPLE–BREAK IT OFF OF YOUR LIFE IN THE NAME OF JESUS. SAY, “LORD, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BREAK THIS INIQUITY OFF OF MY LIFE AND OFF OF MY FAMILY. NO LONGER WILL THIS AFFECT ME AND MY CHILDREN. FROM THIS GENERATION FORWARD, I DECLARE A BLESSING, AND I BREAK THIS INIQUITY.” LET ME TALK ABOUT ONE OTHER ISSUE. [APPLAUSE] GIVE THE LORD A HAND ON THAT IF YOU WANT TO. THAT’S GREAT. [LOUDER APPLAUSE] AGAIN, I’VE NEVER MET A PERSON THAT DIDN’T HAVE MULTIPLE INIQUITIES. AND I KNOW AS I’M SPEAKING THAT, YOU KNOW, AS YOU LISTEN TO THIS, YOU’RE JUST– I KNOW YOU KNOW YOU’VE GOT INIQUITIES IF YOU HAVEN’T BROKEN THEM OFF YOUR LIFE. WELL, THE OTHER IS INNER VOWS, AND INNER VOWS ARE KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF INIQUITIES. IN BEING FREE FROM YOUR PAST AND BREAKING THE GENERATIONAL CYCLE OFF OF YOUR LIFE AND OFF OF YOUR FAMILY, THE OTHER IS INNER VOWS. AND AN INNER VOW IS A SELF-DIRECTED PROMISE RESULTING FROM AN UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE OR HURT FROM A LIFE SITUATION BY A PARENT OR SOMEONE ELSE. IT’S JUST, WE COMFORT OURSELVES WITH INNER VOWS. AND EXAMPLES OF INNER VOWS IS: I’LL NEVER TREAT MY CHILDREN LIKE THAT, I’LL NEVER SPANK MY CHILDREN, I’LL NEVER MAKE MY KIDS WEAR HAND-ME-DOWNS, I’LL NEVER BE POOR AGAIN, I’LL NEVER MAKE MY KIDS WORK LIKE THIS, NO ONE IS EVER GONNA HURT ME AGAIN, I’LL NEVER LET MY HUSBAND/WIFE TREAT ME LIKE THAT, ON AND ON. BUT WE DON’T MEAN THESE THINGS TO BE BAD. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO COMFORT OURSELVES. WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCE, IT’S COMFORTING TO SAY, I’M NOT COMING BACK HERE. I’M NOT COMING BACK HERE. THIS IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN. BUT THE PROBLEM WITH INNER VOWS IS, NUMBER ONE, THEY’RE UNSCRIPTURAL. HERE’S WHAT JESUS SAID, MATTHEW 5: “AGAIN YOU HAVE HEARD THAT IT WAS SAID TO THOSE OF OLD, ‘YOU SHALL NOT SWEAR FALSELY BUT SHALL PERFORM YOUR OATHS TO THE LORD.’ BUT I SAY TO YOU DO NOT SWEAR AT ALL, NEITHER BY HEAVEN, FOR IT IS GOD’S THRONE, NOR BY EARTH, FOR IT IS GOD’S FOOTSTOOL, NOR BY JERUSALEM, FOR IT IS THE CITY OF THE GREAT KING. NOR SHALL YOU SWEAR BY YOUR HEAD, BECAUSE YOU CANNOT MAKE ONE HAIR WHITE OR BLACK. BUT LET YOUR YES BE YES, AND YOUR NO BE NO. FOR WHATEVER IS MORE THAN THIS IS FROM THE EVIL ONE.” AND YOU–EVIL. JESUS SAID WHEN YOU GO AROUND SWEARING TO YOURSELF, OR ANYTHING ELSE, HE SAID, IT’S EVIL. AND YOU SAY, WELL, WHY IS AN INNER VOW EVIL? BECAUSE WHEN YOU MAKE AN INNER VOW, YOU BECOME LORD OF THAT AREA OF YOUR LIFE, AND JESUS ISN’T. INNER VOWS COMPLETELY REJECT THE LORDSHIP OF JESUS CHRIST. LET ME JUST GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE. SO YOU GO THROUGH A DIFFICULTY IN LIFE. AND MY DAD LIVED IN ABJECT POVERTY GROWING UP. HE WAS PROBABLY THE POOREST PERSON I’VE EVER HEARD OF. SLEPT OUTSIDE EVERY NIGHT. IN THE WINTERTIME, SLEPT WITH THE HORSES. IS–YOU’RE POOR, AND YOU MAKE YOURSELF THIS PROMISE. IT’S A COMFORTING PROMISE. AND YOU SAY, “I’LL NEVER BE POOR AGAIN.” GUESS WHO ISN’T LORD OF YOUR FINANCES. “NO ONE IS EVER GONNA HURT ME AGAIN.” GUESS WHO ISN’T LORD OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. EVERY SINGLE AREA OF YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU MAKE–JESUS SAID IT’S EVIL. YOU PERFORM YOUR OATHS TO THE LORD. YOU DON’T SWEAR BY YOUR HEAD. YOU DON’T SWEAR BY ANYTHING. YOU PERFORM YOUR OATHS TO THE LORD. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BECOME YOUR OWN GOD IN YOUR OWN LIFE. BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT INNER VOWS DO. AGAIN, EVERYONE HAS THEM. I CERTAINLY HAD THEM. AND ALSO, THE OTHER THING ABOUT INNER VOWS, THEY CAUSE US TO OVERREACT AND BE UNTEACHABLE. LET ME SAY THIS. ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU HAVE AN INNER VOW WORKING, YOU’RE UNTEACHABLE, UNAPPROACHABLE, AND A LITTLE CRAZY. I MEAN, YOU’RE JUST A LITTLE OFF. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES OF THIS. I HAVE A FRIEND, A VERY GOOD FRIEND, AND YOU GUYS WOULD KNOW THIS PERSON. BUT WHEN WE CAME TO THIS CHURCH, HE WAS THE FIRST–I THINK HE WAS THE FIRST GUY I MET. AND HE INVITED US TO COME OVER TO THEIR HOME, SO KAREN AND I WENT OVER TO THEIR HOME. AND, UH, HE SERVED US SOFT DRINKS. I MEAN, EAGERLY, AGGRESSIVELY, DILIGENTLY SERVED US SOFT DRINKS. AND I HAD NEVER SEEN A PERSON THAT PASSIONATE ABOUT SOFT DRINKS. AND YOUR GLASS WOULD GET, LIKE, HALF EMPTY, AND HE WOULD IMMEDIATELY GO AND SERVE YOU MORE SOFT DRINK. AND HE SAID, LIKE, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” AND I SAID, “WELL, DIET COKE’S FINE.” HE OPENED HIS CUPBOARDS. I’D NEVER SEEN THAT MANY SOFT DRINKS OUTSIDE OF A GROCERY STORE. AND I THOUGHT, WOW, THIS GUY LIKES SOFT DRINKS. WELL, WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW IS WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP, HIS MOTHER WOULD NOT ALLOW SOFT DRINKS IN THE HOME. AND HIS FRIENDS WOULD COME OVER TO HIS HOME, AND THEY DRANK WATER OR, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT. AND HE SAID TO HIS MOTHER ONE DAY, HE SAID, “WHEN I GROW UP, I’M GONNA HAVE A COKE MACHINE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIVING ROOM FOR FREE. YOU WON’T HAVE TO PUT MONEY IN IT. IT’S JUST–” HE WAS MAD. HE SAID, “IT’S GONNA BE THERE FOR FREE.” WELL, HE WAS IN THE GROCERY STORE ONE DAY WITH HIS WIFE, AND THEY WERE GOING THROUGH THE GROCERY STORE, AND THEY’RE GOING DOWN THE AISLE OF THE SOFT DRINK AISLE. AND HE IS TAKING THESE HUGE THOUSAND-LITER BOTTLES AND, YOU KNOW, DUMPING THEM IN THE CART. AND SHE SAID, “THAT’S ENOUGH.” AND HE SAID, “YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT’S ENOUGH! I’LL HAVE AS MANY OF THESE AS I WANT!” SHE WAS LIKE, “WHOA, LOOK WHO’S A LITTLE CRAZY.” [LAUGHTER] IS–NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD, MOST SANE GUY IN THE WORLD, BUT TALK ABOUT SOFT DRINKS, AND… [LAUGHTER] HE A LITTLE CRAZY. INNER VOWS ARE LIKE–THEY’RE THE OPPOSITE OF AN INIQUITY. YOU SEE YOUR PARENTS DOING SOMETHING, YOU SAY, “I’LL NEVER DO THAT.” BUT WHERE YOU HAVE AN INNER VOW OPERATING, YOU’RE LIKE A DRUNK MAN TRYING TO GET ON A HORSE. YOU’RE CRAZY. AND ONE GENERATION IS IN THIS DITCH, AND YOU MAKE AN INNER VOW, SO YOU–LIKE A DRUNK MAN TRYING TO GET ON A HORSE–YOU FALL INTO THIS DITCH. YOU’RE POINTING UNDER THE HORSE AT YOUR PARENTS, SAYING, “WELL, AT LEAST I’M NOT IN THE DITCH YOU’RE IN.” BUT NO ONE’S ON THE HORSE. NO GENERATION IS FREE, NO GENERATION MAKES ANY PROGRESS, BECAUSE IT’S INIQUITY, INNER VOW, INIQUITY, INNER VOW, REACTION, REACTION, REACTION, REACTION. UNTIL SOMEONE STANDS UP AND BREAKS THOSE THINGS OFF OF OUR LIVES. HERE’S HOW TO BREAK INNER VOWS. THE FIRST THING YOU DO IS RECOGNIZE THEM. WHEN DID YOU MAKE YOURSELF THAT PROMISE? WHAT–WHAT UNPLEASANT EVENT IN YOUR LIFE DID YOU MAKE A RESPONSE TO, TO YOURSELF, BY SAYING, “NO ONE WILL EVER TREAT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, NO ONE’S EVER GONNA HURT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, I’M NEVER GONNA BE POOR AGAIN, WELL, I’M NEVER GONNA DO–” I’M THIS, I’M THIS. YOU DIDN’T TURN IT TOWARD GOD. YOU TURNED IT TOWARD YOURSELF. THAT IS SIN. THAT IS AN INNER VOW. YOU RECOGNIZE IT. YOU JUST REPENT OF IT, WHICH JUST MEANS CHANGE YOUR THINKING ABOUT IT. YOU SAY IT WAS WRONG. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL SAD OR SORRY OR CRY. YOU JUST SAY IT WAS JUST WRONG. IT WAS WRONG FOR ME. AND I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE, AND I BECOME GOD OF THAT AREA OF MY LIFE, AND SO I REPENT. FORGIVE, WHOEVER DID WHATEVER TO YOU THAT CAUSED YOU–YOU WERE HURT BY AN EX-BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, HUSBAND, WIFE, STEPPARENT, PARENT, WHATEVER IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. THAT INDIVIDUAL THAT CAUSED YOU THAT PAIN, YOU NEED TO FORGIVE THEM. YOU’VE GOT TO FORGIVE THEM. YOU MUST FORGIVE THEM. THESE ARE SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGES THAT I’VE EVER BROUGHT. I’M TALKING ABOUT HURT AND PROCESSING HURT PROPERLY. AND I HOPE YOU’RE ENCOURAGED BY THIS, BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING, WE ALL GET HURT IN LIFE, BUT GOD HEALS. AND GOD HEALS YOU RIGHT NOW OF ANYTHING THAT IS HURTING YOU. AND SO I HOPE THIS PROGRAM HELPED. AND I HOPE THAT YOU GOT HEALING OUT OF THAT. WE HAVE– WHAT YOU SAW THERE IS JUST A SMALL PART OF A LARGER SERIES OF MESSAGES THAT I HAVE CALLED “THE HURT POCKET.” I ALSO HAVE A BOOK CALLED “WHEN LIFE HURTS.” IT’S THE SAME INFORMATION. RIGHT NOW, FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO SUPPORT US HERE AT “MARRIAGE TODAY,” WE’LL GIVE YOU MY NEW BOOK, “WHEN LIFE HURTS.” FOR YOUR GIFT OF $65 OR MORE, WE HAVE A FOUR PART CD SERIES, “THE HURT POCKET,” WHICH IS THE SAME INFORMATION YOU HEARD TODAY, PLUS A LOT MORE. AND WE’LL GIVE YOU THAT PLUS THE BOOK, “WHEN LIFE HURTS.” FOR $90 OR MORE, WE’LL GIVE YOU THE DVD SERIES, THE FOUR-PART DVD SERIES, “THE HURT POCKET,” ALONG WITH THE BOOK. YOU KNOW, THIS IS LIFE-CHANGING INFORMATION THAT CAN HEAL YOU, IT CAN HEAL YOUR MARRIAGE, IT CAN HEAL YOUR FAMILY. MAYBE YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT REALLY NEED HEALING. THEY NEED EMOTIONAL HEALING. AND THAT’S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. JUST EVERYTHING YOU’VE GONE THROUGH IN LIFE. ALL OF YOUR DISAPPOINTMENTS, ALL YOUR HURTS, ALL THE TRAGEDIES. ALL THOSE THINGS CAN BE RESOLVED, AND IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. LITERALLY CHANGES WHO YOU ARE, AND IT CHANGES YOUR DESTINY IN LIFE. THIS IS SUCH IMPORTANT INFORMATION. WE WANT TO GET IT TO YOU. HERE’S HOW YOU CAN GET IT. ANNOUNCER: FIND HOPE AND HEALING FROM THE PAIN YOU CARRY WITH JIMMY’S INSPIRING SERIES, “THE HURT POCKET.” AVAILABLE ON CD AND DVD. WE’LL ALSO INCLUDE JIMMY’S COMPANION BOOK, “WHEN LIFE HURTS.” THE CD SERIES AND BOOK ARE YOURS FOR A GIFT OF $65 OR MORE. THE DVD SERIES AND BOOK FOR $90 OR MORE. “THE HURT POCKET” SERIES WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO IDENTIFY AND RESOLVE THE HURTS OF LIFE, GOD’S DESIRE TO HEAL AND REDEEM YOU, AND THE STEPS TO MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PAST. JIMMY: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE SILLY THING ABOUT HIDING FROM GOD–YOU’RE HIDING FROM YOUR HEALER. WHEN HE TOUCHES PAIN, IT DOESN’T HURT. WHEN HE TOUCHES PAIN, IT GOES AWAY. ANNOUNCER: WHEN YOU SUPPORT “MARRIAGE TODAY” WITH A GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, WE’LL SEND YOU JIMMY’S LATEST BOOK, “WHEN LIFE HURTS.” CREATE A POSITIVE LEGACY AS YOU HEAL FROM THE HURTS OF LIFE. EXPERIENCE “THE HURT POCKET” SERIES TODAY. JIMMY: I HOPE THAT MESSAGE WAS ENCOURAGING TO YOU ON “THE HURT POCKET” AND TALKING ABOUT HURT AND HOW TO RESOLVE HURT. YOU KNOW, THE DEVIL IS AN EVIL DEVIL, AND THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT IN THIS MESSAGE IS, YOU KNOW, JUST HOW THE DEVIL COMES INTO OUR LIVES AND HE COMES TO STEAL, KILL, AND DESTROY AND THAT’S WHAT JESUS SAID. BUT JESUS CAME THAT WE COULD HAVE LIFE, AND TO HAVE IT ABUNDANTLY. BUT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HURTS IN OUR LIVES. WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE THINGS THAT WERE DONE TO US, AND MAYBE, YOU KNOW, SOME OF THE THINGS THAT WE DID THAT WERE SINFUL OR, YOU KNOW, LED TO FAILURE OR WHATEVER. THE DISAPPOINTMENTS, THE HURTS, THE THINGS THAT ARE IN OUR LIVES THAT ARE COMPROMISING US MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, RELATIONALLY. JESUS CAME AND LIVED AND DIED AND ROSE AGAIN SO THAT WE COULD BE FREE FROM EVERY SINGLE THING THAT THE DEVIL’S TRIED TO DO TO US. BUT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, THERE’S SOME THINGS THAT WE NEED TO DO. AND THE FIRST THING IS, IS THAT WE JUST NEED TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT. AND WHAT HURT US, WHAT WE DID WRONG. MAYBE IT WAS OUR SIN, MAYBE IT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE’S SIN. BUT COME TO GOD AND TELL GOD ABOUT IT. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT GOD. NO ONE LOVES YOU MORE THAN GOD. GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE. SEE, ONE OF THE THINGS THE DEVIL–HE’S THE HURT WHISPERER. AND ONE OF THE THINGS THE DEVIL WANTS US TO BELIEVE IS, GOD DOESN’T LIKE US, GOD’S TICKED OFF AT US, GOD WON’T FORGIVE US, WE’VE DONE TOO MUCH TO BE FORGIVEN. DID YOU KNOW THAT THE APOSTLE PAUL, BEFORE HE BECAME THE APOSTLE PAUL, HE PERSECUTED CHRISTIANS AND PUT THEM TO DEATH FOR GOD? HE FOUGHT FOR GOD. AND GOD FORGAVE HIM. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU READ YOUR BIBLE, I MEAN, PETER DENIED JESUS CHRIST. IN JESUS’ MOST TRYING HOUR, PETER DENIED HIM. THE DEVIL WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE TOO MUCH. YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF THAT DIVORCE, BECAUSE OF THAT ABORTION, BECAUSE OF THIS, BECAUSE OF THAT ADULTERY, YOU CAN’T BE FORGIVEN. THE BLOOD OF JESUS IS THE MOST POWERFUL CLEANSING AGENT IN THE UNIVERSE. AND THE BLOOD OF JESUS FORGIVES ANY SIN. AND IT’S NOT JUST OUR SINS THAT ARE FORGIVEN, IT’S THE SINS OF OTHER PEOPLE. THAT WE ARE SET FREE AS WE FORGIVE OUR MOMS AND DADS, AS WE FORGIVE A BUSINESS PARTNER, AN EX-SPOUSE OR A STEPMOTHER OR A STEPFATHER, WHOEVER IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN, THAT I’M FORGIVEN AND I FORGIVE OTHER PEOPLE AND I STAND UP AND I BEGIN TO BE THE PERSON THAT GOD WANTS ME TO BE. SEE, WHEN I BRING IT INTO THE LIGHT AND WHEN I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY BEHAVIOR, AND I’M WILLING TO FORGIVE OTHER PEOPLE, THAT’S THE ATMOSPHERE THAT GOD HEALS IN. GOD HEALS IN AN ATMOSPHERE OF LIGHT. AND AS I SAID BEFORE, OUR HURTS DON’T HEAL JUST BECAUSE TIME GOES ON. IN FACT, THEY ACCUMULATE. AND THE MORE OF THOSE THINGS THAT ACCUMULATE WITHIN US, THE MORE IT COMPROMISES US IN EVERY SINGLE AREA OF OUR LIVES. AND KAREN AND I, WE WERE THE WALKING WOUNDED WHEN WE GOT MARRIED. AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE COULDN’T HAVE THE INTIMACY THAT WE HAVE TODAY SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE WOUNDEDNESS OF OUR LIVES. SEE, THE WOUNDEDNESS–HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE IS THE OLD SAYING. AND THE WOUNDEDNESS OF MY LIFE HURTS MY CHILDREN. IT HURTS MY SPOUSE. IT HURTS THE PEOPLE AROUND ME. AND THE MAIN THING IS, IT KEEPS FROM THE DESTINY THAT GOD HAS FOR ME. AND SO AS WE BEGIN TO SHINE THE LIGHT ON WHAT’S GOING ON IN OUR LIVES, AND TAKE STEPS OF FORGIVENESS AND ALL OF THOSE THINGS, OUR LIVES ARE CHANGED. GOD BEGINS TO WORK IN A NEW WAY IN OUR LIVES. AND THE DESTINY THAT GOD HAS FOR US CAN BE FULFILLED. I HOPE THAT THIS IS A BLESSING TO YOU. AND LET ME JUST SAY, WE’RE ABLE TO COME TO YOU TODAY BECAUSE OF OUR WONDERFUL PARTNERS THAT STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY. WE HAVE PEOPLE THAT GIVE JUST A SPECIAL GIFT EVERY NOW AND THEN, OR ONE TIME, TO BLESS US HERE. AND WE APPRECIATE THAT. NOTHING IS TOO SMALL. NOTHING IS TOO LARGE. WE APPRECIATE YOUR GIVING SO MUCH. BUT WE ALSO HAVE SOME PEOPLE WHO STAND WITH US MONTHLY–OUR ROCK SOLID PARTNERS. AND FOR THEIR PARTNERSHIP, THEY GET A SPECIAL PREMIUM THAT NO ONE ELSE GETS. WE WANT YOU TO SUPPORT US, AND WE APPRECIATE IT. WE ALSO WANT YOU TO BE A MONTHLY PARTNER. HERE’S HOW YOU CAN DO THAT. ANNOUNCER: GOING THROUGH DIVORCE IS A LOT TO ASK OF CHILDREN AND OFTEN RESULTS IN YEARS OF EMOTIONAL PAIN. IT’S A VIOLENT RIPPING APART OF THEIR PARENTS AND A SENSE OF ABANDONMENT. WHAT SOMETIMES WE SEE AS A QUICK WAY OUT CAN MEAN COMPLETE LOSS FOR A CHILD. JIMMY: YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. ANNOUNCER: “MARRIAGE TODAY” EXISTS TO PROTECT CHILDREN FROM THE PAIN OF DIVORCE AND TO STEER COUPLES AWAY FROM MARITAL FAILURE BY TELLING THEM THE TRUTH. WHEN YOU STAND WITH “MARRIAGE TODAY,” YOUR INDIVIDUAL EFFORT MULTIPLIES WITH OTHER LIKE-MINDED PARTNERS AND TOGETHER, WE CAN REBUILD A LEGACY OF STRONG FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD. CHOOSE YOUR LEVEL OF PARTNERSHIP TODAY AND RECEIVE IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO THE VIDEO STREAMING LIBRARY. BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER TODAY. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday’s YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.

Cesar Sullivan

6 thoughts on “Breaking the Hurt Legacy

  1. “We are image beaters too our children..”
    Forgive yourself quickly and move on..
    You won’t get it right every time,
    So don’t give up 😘

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