Solingen 93

Domestic Violence and Abuse

How The Wounds Of The Past Affect Our Parenting – Shefali Tsabary, PhD

Most parents are afraid that they will repeat
the mistakes of their parent and my consolation, paradoxically to parents is yes, you need
to be because it is going to happen, but we don’t need to be afraid in the sense of
avoid it, we need to embrace this as a reality. How can we not recreate patterns from our
own life, the mastery of conscious parenting is to be aware as we’re doing it, to understand
that every template in our life manifested in relationship with our food, with our bodies,
with our children, with our intimate others, every template is in some way, all shape or
form, a recreation of how we were raised. Once we are awake to this deep fundamental
awareness, then every moment becomes a living laboratory, so when the child for example
is in a conflict with you and pushing your buttons and you’re watching the surge of
emotions rise, let us not be fooled that the child is making this happened, the child does
not have this power, they are not doing anything to us, it can only occur, emotions can only
rise within us because the seeds were within us in the first place. My answer to parents
when they desperately want to know how to stop this is that they have to become mindful
and what does that mean? They have to learn to look at the living present moment as the
teacher. They have to enter the present moment, there is no strategy out there; there is no
artificial third person therapist who can tell you how to do this. We have to engage
in the relationship with ourselves, with our lives, with our children in such a deeply
engaged intimate way and look at every moment as a mirror to our own emotional imprints.

Cesar Sullivan

3 thoughts on “How The Wounds Of The Past Affect Our Parenting – Shefali Tsabary, PhD

  1. Listen to Shefali Tsabary explain how emotional baggage can sometimes affect the way we parent:

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