Solingen 93

Domestic Violence and Abuse

The Closest Feeling to Death that isn’t Death


Raise your hand if you’ve ever sacrificed physical mental and/or emotional health to overwork yourself into an extremely depressive state of mind that takes days to recover from in hopes to be happy with a result knowing it’s probably not going to be worth it in the end? If a friend came up to you and said hey I’m gonna go run 50 miles and refuse to eat sleep or take care of myself until I’m done you’d be like “No, you doof, that’s a horrible idea!” “You need sunscreen first.” Overworking yourself has such a confusing interpretation right now. Everyone knows it’s not good. But at the same time it’s also glorified. The best examples are in school or work environments. Dude, I had six hours of homework last night and didn’t get to bed until 4:00 a.m. Ya think that’s bad? The other week I had three tests to study for so I pulled an all-nighter and only drank coffee for two days straight. I have not slept for a week my blood flows with redbull and xanax. *claps* *falls* When someone’s driven to work exceptionally hard, obviously, that’s really admirable. But when they start forfeiting self care in place of hard work… …That’s when you start crossing into the realm of pain and uncontrollable suffering. Yeah, but enduring the pain and pushing forward is super strong. UMMMMMMM… Noooo. *wheezes* Admiring something that’s stupid and unhealthy isn’t commendable instead of encouraging it. Tell your brain… “Hey, no!” No! Bad… not on the carpet. Your emotions start to chop and change more your mental health starts to deteriorate. You snap more at things that aren’t big deals, everything feels like you’re playing sudden death mode in Smash Bros. Honey, I brought you some lemonade. *cat hissing* *multiple smacking and crashing noises Everyone is gonna experience burning themselves out in some sort of way. That’s part of life. If you don’t you’re either perfect or the devil, and I don’t trust either of those so stay back I’ve been slowly losing my sanity from overworking myself ever since I dropped out of college, which was… *math jaiden* two years ago. It’s the type of thing that slowly creeps in and you only start to notice it when your insights have already… …deteriorated by 30% and your insanity stat has reached level 10. Burnout is caused by three main variables depersonalization. Where you don’t feel in control of yourself anymore, emotional exhaustion and a lost sense of achievement. Wow, Jaiden! You’re so smart! HA! Yep, you know me! I’ll research anything all day just to educate the people! After a long time of feeling like a very sad shell of a person, I started seeing a therapist. So the first day I came in she just asked some basic questions to get to know me and my situation. And she got to the question… “What would you describe your average daily schedule to be?” and I was like, “All right.” That seemed simple enough. So I wake up around 8:30… …have a small snack working out for like thirty minutes and start working “Mm-hm.” …so I work into lunch and then I go back to work… “Yeah.” …and I work until dinner and then I work until I go to sleep. And when’s that? 1:00 a.m. Yeah, I see the problem now. I was and still am struggling with the mindset of if I’m not working I’m being lazy and the fact that I worked for myself in my own home and and my own boss doesn’t help at all taking a break to play games, but “*sighs* I could be working.” Eating dinner… “I could be working.” Sleeping… *yawns* But I could be working! working, but I could be… working HARDER! I’m not saying this just for you, but for myself, it’s okay to take personal time for yourself! Don’t work your life away! I’ll take a break when I’m dead Frick. Never got to come up with a funny tombstone I asked a bunch of my friends about their experiences with overworking themselves and they’re all like… “Oh yeah, burnout is torture and can go freaking suck a jellyfish!” Their stories consisted of not sleeping for hours or days on end in exchange for more time to work. Denying themselves food or water until they finish something. Breaking for a minute to go to the bathroom only to go right back to work. Snapping at friends or family for no reason. It sucks because these aren’t even uncommon experiences. It feels so good to be validated and admired for working hard. But there’s a slippery slope there of accidentally forgetting to keep yourself alive and sane if you’re not careful. I’m here to save you from yourself! “Wha-” “What! We gotta study for final exams!” No time! Go take a nap! 46% of Americans drop out of college anyways! I’m kidding school is important If you drop out you don’t get to use me as an excuse to your parents. But it’s important not to die… from burnout or in general, don’t ever die. I also asked my friends if overworking themselves negatively impacted their relationship with the end product and there were two different interpretations Some of them said “Holy frick. Yes.” “I hate that thing now!” Stressing and pushing themselves too much made them sloppy and make awful mistakes. They cut more corners and agreed the final product suffered because of the pressure they put on themselves. Another friend (with better hair) described it… …as being a sick twisted reward for unhealthy behavior. Of course… …they were able to finish the project which they wanted but the steps they took to complete it led to painful burnout and… …definitely was more emotionally damaging than if workflow was more evenly distributed. My scientific conclusion? You suffer either way. *wheeze* Here have some tips to not be emotionally damaged for a week after overworking yourself. Don’t do too much of the same thing without any sort of change whatsoever you’re not a You’re not a mindless work zombie and a hamster ball. Doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over is A formula for absolute misery. 8tracks, who helps with animating the videos had a good analogy. So I’m gonna steal it. So say you like chocolate. I do like chocolate. No one asked you. You so imagine you hypothetically enjoy eating chocolate But when you only eat chocolate and nothing else you feel sick that nauseous… …feeling and your throat and stomach that makes you want to lay down and throw up for the rest of the day. It’s the same with anything else. Do more than just work and eat hypothetical chocolate all the time because otherwise… R.I.P. Take time for self-care! Yeah, it sounds generic and straightforward. So then do it you dummy! Spend time with yourself, do something that’ll refuel your juice tanks when you’re running on empty… …you got to take time to fill the tank back up to full, don’t just try to avoid the inevitable by pouring a little cup… of gas in and hoping that’ll tie you over. ENJOY YOURSELF! Not yelling at you. I’m yelling at me because I still have a really hard time with that one. Take a shower. You’ve probably been working for five days straight. Take a break from social media. Sounds cliche… …but it works. Spend time with friends. If you have any… Do some stretches or something that includes moving your body. Exercise equals dopamine, which means less depression! Yay, stick to a healthy sleeping schedule. If you’re a farmer- I am a farmer. No one asked you. you gotta tend to a variety of fields instead of hyper focusing on the same one everyday Push yourself to always be trying something new or focus on improving It’s easy to get stuck in the same grind of consistency Everyone’s a unique special snowflake But eventually your brain is gonna start craving something different and if it doesn’t get anything new it throws a tantrum; You get more excited about things you’re going to learn and get Better at spice everything up if you’re a lumberjack. I am a lumberjack. Well you cut that out You can’t keep swinging your axe continuously at trees all the time It’ll start getting too dull and become difficult to keep going You got to take time to stop and sharpen your tools keep things balanced You can create your best ideas when you’re not stressed and overworked and sad and tired and feel like poop Wait, I thought you were a farmer (no one asked you…) (shh….) Hey, yo, it’s me again, hope you liked the video and as a pack to myself I promise to not pull any all-nighters while making it I’m not sure about any of the other members of the team If they did… they’re fired. Anyway big update I moved to LA! I always thought I would live in Arizona my whole life and died of a heatstroke But so many opportunities opened up to me in LA and I’ve got so many great friends there and I’m so freaking excited moving was a pain and that’s What I’ve really been busy with but I’m mostly settled now. LA still intimidates me because the people here can be a lot But I’m doing my best. I’m excited about the future. I’m excited about the videos I’m excited about some projects in the works. Also school is starting up again Sucks to suck and I wish you the best of luck soldier Maybe you can be the 54 percent of Americans that doesn’t drop out. Anyway. Thanks for sticking around and bye

Cesar Sullivan

100 thoughts on “The Closest Feeling to Death that isn’t Death

  1. i'm tryng to think how can you leave after talking without breathing for 8 minutes strate i know your actually breathing but man everyone said i can't stop talking but then i saw you and if i show them i would say who's the one who can't stop talking but not to offend you it's kinda cool talking straight for eight minutes

  2. Jaiden:raise ur hand if u have overworked urself and feel ded inside
    Yuri (me):raises feet and hands and floats cuz has wings*
    Jaiden:O.O oh my god

    Edit:btw IM IN 3RD FREAKING GRADE im SUPER DED INSIDE I ONCE HAVE NOT SLEPT TILL 1.00am BRUH

  3. Im not going to college, im just gonna finish the rest of my highschool and gonna work on my youtube career.
    Very VERY good plan ultragrow!

  4. Yep I game all day and I ALWAYS get stressed out but I am taking a break from gameing and I'm starting to feel better

  5. Jaiden:Take A Break From Social Media!
    Me: nah I’ve been here for two minutes

    13 hours later
    Me: just a little longer

  6. Add crazy hormones you get postpartum…fyi. (Take care of yourself take medication, get help whatever you have to do!)

  7. To begin with, I'm really lazy and lucky in my exams:
    But last semester in collage I studied with this two dudes, a boy and a girl. The boy was as relaxed as I'm. The girl was always doing homework till four AM.
    In the end, me and the boy passed everything although not doing any homework. And the girl has to take some classes again because she was so tired during the classes that she didn't understood anything, so she kept studying later into the night, so the cycle repeated.
    I've tried to make her sleep earlier, but she didn't listened.
    Moral of the story, don't do homework in college, no one checks it and you are better rested for the class.
    Jk, just know when to stop doing your homework.
    (None of the three characters are to be emulated)

  8. I have this…
    It’s because I want to be perfect for a summer program create a beat
    And I do video games over and over.. ;-;

  9. Someone:why do u hate ur school so much?
    Me: eyes twitching I haven't slept more than 2 hours this month and I have 7 tests tomorrow whispers it's the first monthhhhhhh…..

  10. “Insanity: doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

  11. it’s not that i don’t sleep because i’m staying up working at all times, i don’t sleep because i’m staying up crying about being lonely and worrying that no one will ever love me.

    it isn’t much better

  12. she says she has social anxiety.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    little does she know, she helps people with it one video at a time

  13. Someone SERIOUSLY needs to show this to the DOE, because she's RIGHT! (Also because I don't like work, BUT SHE'S STILL RIGHT!)

  14. Lol, I'd die if I ever dropped out of school lmao. I wouldn't die of starvation or whatever, my family would murder me first. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  15. im surprised there wasnt any comments being like "im 9yrs old and i put an all nighter figuring out what 21-2 is!!1!!"

  16. I'm currently getting better at animation and I have almost the exact same thoughts as Jaiden. takes break to play games Me: I could be getting better at animation ._.

  17. I'm in-between. Have issues with working too hard but also have issues working a good amount. Have not worked on a video in 2 years.

  18. I’ve already have lost my sanity sooooo no saving me now I’m going to to sleep maybe or I’m going to die help me jaiden

  19. Are you sure that's the closest thing to death that isn't death I mean I almost drowned last year like last seconds kind of thing

  20. I had burnout last week from exams in college. I studied for two weeks or more straight and at the end of it I suffered with migraines and nausea, as well as extreme exhaustion. Lasted for three days. It was terrible.

  21. 0:00 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

  22. For some reason I do this thing where I will drink more than 6 cups of coffee in a day then not sleep THEN go to sleep for like 2 hours and keeps repeating the same thing for a week sO lIkE I tHiNk tHaT I hAvE a pRoBlEm

  23. when you’re playing assassins creed origins and you don’t give up on an unbeatable boss.

    Screw you, Ubisoft Quebec.

    i hate Amun

  24. 1:17

    Me: Yeah~ but if I don’t pull all nighters and work hard I will fail LITERALLY EVERY SUBJECT and I won’t be able to pass any school requirements and never graduate Hugh school and I won’t pass my senior high school entrance exam..THE FUTURE IS AT STAKE HERE PPL

    School & parents: who’s fault is it for not managing their time well?

    Me: …(gulps)…yeah that’s true……

  25. We go to school and do the same thing over and over again for years they are turning are brains into mush and stomping on are creativity

  26. Another analogy if you’re an actor you can’t spend your entire day learning lines and memorizing you have to take care of your self spend time to eat properly and other stuff

  27. ah ye i know that feeling because that feeling was everyday of my elementary school years and im constantly told that i look like i havent slept for months and when i say constantly i mean every five hours (no joke)

    so yeah i know THAT particular feeling😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

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